As Christmas rapidly descends upon us, I’m always teetering on the edge of a vat of despair knowing that my Christmas, yet again, will be spent sans parents – whose mortal sojourn is truly ebbing to an end – and, sans kids and grandkids – who all seem to be ending up out West post marriage and graduation. I want nothing more than to be surrounded by kith and kin during my favorite time of the year. To that end, I lean into the mental gymnastics of my fantasy Christmas and all that entails.
I’d probably be better served doing this around the holiday when I’m all fluffy and in the mood, but alas…
This is an ever-evolving concept too, so, it’s obviously subject to change. For example, when I was young and a newlywed and all full of romantic notions, I thought Christmas in Manhattan would be utterly sublime. Ice skating in Central Park AND at Rockefeller Center, watching the tree lighting ceremony at Rockefeller Center, shopping for presents and toys at FAO Schwartz, carriage rides in the snow, staying at a swanky hotel right uptown so we could walk everywhere, etc. But I’ve found that the older I get, the more I enjoy being with my kids and I don’t see that that would be possible with my disabled son, Nathaniel.
So, if I just spitball and go stream of consciousness, my perfect Christmas would require that I also get the entire month of December off work. Or at least have the ability to come and go from the office as I please so it doesn’t interfere with my grandiose plans. It would also mean that I effectively have ALL my shopping and wrapping done LONG before December hits so that isn’t a distraction to all the other awesomeness.
When I was young, growing up in Seattle, we would go Christmas Tree hunting the first weekend after Thanksgiving. We’d drive up to Mount Vernon because it was always snowy, and we’d drive way up where nobody was around and find a place to park. Then, the adventurous lot (read here: me and my older brother, Eric) would hike with my dad, in snow up to our waist, into the woods to find the perfect tree. Meanwhile, Mom and the younger crew would stay in the car, with the back down (we usually had a station wagon or a pickup truck – which I’ll elaborate on more shortly). They’d huddle in blankets, and they’d have this huge Coleman thermos thing full of hot chocolate waiting for us when we got back with our find. Then, when we got home, while getting the tree up and trimmed and standing in the house, we’d eat homemade chili and Saltine crackers. So, I’d love to venture out and do something like that.
I know up in Asheville, they have packages you can buy that include a hotel and rides up to the mountains to find the tree. The problem now is that we don’t have anywhere to PUT a real tree. But I want the experience! So, in my fantasy, we head up to Asheville, as an entire family, including my mother in law (because she comes to SC for Thanksgiving every year!), and stay in a nice hotel, go tree hunting in the snow, drink hot chocolate, eat chili, go tubing/sledding in the snow, and then come home. Then, maybe we give the tree to someone that isn’t able to get one for themselves. Or we put it up in the front yard and just wrap lights around it. I dunno. We’ll see. In any event, Christmas officially starts in earnest on Thanksgiving weekend. I previously alluded to elaborating on the pickup truck. That story is as follows: we had this pickup for a few years – a Mazda B2000 Sundowner. It was SMALL! Mom and dad would sit in the front, and my dad had cut insulation out of foam that looked like a huge picture frame. He slid that foam thing between the cab and the bed of the truck so he could then leave the windows open between the cab and the bed so the bed – back where all the kids were – would get some of the heat from the cab. Then, all five of us kids would sit in the back. Well, one year, dad forgot to bring rope to tie the tree on top of the truck. So, after hiking up, cutting it down, dragging it down the mountain and out to the car, we had no way to get it home – other than by putting it IN the back of the truck. And, of course, it filled the entirety of the back. So, picture this: we ALL sat up front! This was long before seatbelts were a law, so, we weren’t doing anything illegal. But, my baby brother Darrell sat on my dad’s left knee, Eric, the oldest, sat on the console between the seats and shifted the gears (yes, it was a stick shift), I sat on the floor at my mom’s feet, and my sisters, Erin and Brook, sat on each of her knees. It was TIGHT. But we laugh about it now.
Also, when I was growing up, every December, we’d have a family meeting at the first of the month where each person would pick out anywhere from 2 to 5 people or friends that we wanted to doorbell ditch during the month. My mom would then spend her days baking cookies and bread and goodies of all kinds and just about every night, we’d all load up in the current family ride, head out to a couple of our recipients’ houses, and we’d park down the street, around the corner, or wherever. Then, my older brother Eric and I would sneak to the peoples’ homes, put the goodies on the porch, and ring the doorbell and run. We did it for YEARS and only got caught once. And, one time, my right foot/leg got mangled. My dad started driving away before I was all the way back in the car and my right foot was still hanging out. I got sucked out of the car and dad drove right over it! Nothing was broken, but it was a bit terrifying. One year, we had a family in our church family that was really in dire straits, so mom and dad made a “money tree” for them. They bought this little Christmas tree – about three feet tall, in a planter – and they used clothespins to pin money all over the tree. Probably a couple hundred bucks or so, and that was what we left on those people’s porch. In my fantasy, we’d do that every night too. And we’d also do a bunch of NON anonymous ones where – with the Darrell Brownies in tow – we’d carol at a bunch as well. All our favorite friends and loved ones here in SC.
Of course there would be a taffy pull.
I want to watch ALL my favorite Christmas movies. Elf. A Christmas Story. Christmas Vacation. The original Grinch. Home Alone. It’s a Wonderful Life. Family Man. Serendipity. All of them. So, probably a movie every other night. I also have certain movies that scream Christmas to me – Star Wars, The Force Awakens, Jumanji, Raiders of the Lost Ark. We’d watch those too. And Christmas episodes of all my favorite TV shows. The Office. Parks & Rec. X Files. Buffy. New Girl.
We’d also spend a night playing Wii golf.
Tons o’ ping pong.
Basketball at the church.
Baseball at the field.
Bonfires with s’mores and Christmas music blasting in the background.
Games almost every night.
A night playing Rock Band.
When we do Luke II, we read it from our huge antique Bible. And all the younger peeps act it out dressed up in our costumes. My youngest son Noah as Joseph. My sons, Seth, Micah, and Jonah as wisemen. My oldest son Ethan as the Angel. One of my nieces as Mary. My grandson, Milo, as the baby Jesus.
I want to do Light the World every day and go to the Giving Machines.
I’d love to have different people over for dinners and activities just about every night – friends from the neighborhood, work, and church.
Of course, I need all of my family around for parts of it. I’d love my mother-in-law to stay from Thanksgiving through Christmas. I’d love my parents to be there. And the Brownies. All my sons and their wives.
I’d send cards to anyone who’s ever sent one to me. Ever.
I have that little Life’s Little Instruction Book that I love, and I have a Christmas version. I’d like to do one of those every day.
I’d like to read to Nathaniel and my grandbabies from our Christmas books every night before bed. We have dozens.
Family prayer every night.
Part of it would be spent at a cabin. In the snow. In the fantasy, maybe on Christmas day, we all head to the airport and fly on the same flight out to Utah – to Roosevelt. We all go up to my sister’s cabin and stay there until after New Years, snowmobiling, skiing, ice fishing, etc. Snowmen. Snowball fights.
I want to take everyone to see the Nutcracker ballet. I love that music and that screams Christmas to me.
We’d go see The Brian Setzer Orchestra in concert for his Christmas show. They come to Charlotte almost every year. And Big Bad Voodoo Daddy.
We’d go ice skating. In Rock Hill or Charlotte.
Late nights singing and visiting and laughing around the Christmas tree with all the lights off but the tree’s.
The house would be decorated to the nines with lights all over the inside and outside of the house, all over the fence, the tree house, etc.
One of the presents to everyone who joins us would be tickets for a cruise. I think it would be super cool to spend New Year’s Eve on a cruise ship. So, a few days after Christmas, we all drive to Charleston, park our cars, and sail out of Charleston for a cruise. We ring in the new year on the ship and enjoy a sweet cruise in the Caribbean.
I want to hang out on Temple Square enjoying the Spirit and the lights. Not sure how we fit that in, but that would be cool. So, maybe after Thanksgiving dinner, everyone we have for Thanksgiving loads up and we fly to Washington, go up to Mount Vernon like I used to, to find a tree that will then be for my sister and her family. Then, we DRIVE to Utah. On the way, we have to go through Leavenworth, WA, so we spend a weekend in Leavenworth – a Swiss alps town in the Washington mountains. When we get to Utah, we hang out at Temple Square! Then, that weekend, after the temple (where we also all do a session!), we head up to my other sister’s for a weekend of cabin, snowmobiling, and all that snowy goodness. Then we fly from there back to SC! It’s all coming together now!!!
For the Church’s Christmas devotional, we rent the Sylvia Theater so we can all watch it on the big screen. And we invite a ton of our friends – members and non-members alike.
One night we have a soda drinking thing.
Another night is hot cocoa tasting.
At a minimum, I want my parents and my mother-in-law, all my sons and their spouses, and my baby brother Darrell and his family (the aforementioned “Brownies”). We’d get to hang with my sister and her family at their cabin, so we’d get time with them. Maybe my sister Brook and her kids and my brother Eric and his clan all join us for the cruise.
I LOVE the house being super crowded. LOVE it. So, here are the sleeping arrangements: my mother-in-law gets the studio. My parents get my room. Ethan and his family get my boys’ room. Seth and his family get Nathaniel’s room. Nathaniel would sleep in his playroom. Darrell and Robyn would take the hidabed downstairs. Their girls would sleep on cots all around the downstairs. We’d have new couches with hide-a-beds upstairs. My wife and I would take one. My single sons would all crash on couches or in hammocks upstairs.
And, I’m out of time…
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