I don't think it will last long

Homeless today. House tomorrrow.

I was conditioned for homelessness. 

I always keep an Army type of attitude. It helps.

I really never had too many problems adapting to my situation. But my decisions that got me to this “calling to the streets” have put strains on my family.

I used to love sitting under the stars. Still do. Being in the woods is something I am used to. But sleeping in the snow is something you never get used to.

I sat under a bridge one night after losing $900. That money was supposed to get me off the streets. It was right on time.

I forget who sent the check, but I thought I had a new life. I wanted to keep quiet about it knowing that people would be right on me to spend it. I call my girlfriend and tell her how I just got paid. After awhile in a hotel she tells me that we spent all of the money, even money that I had put away. I was crushed. I felt like a fool.

On our last day, I was dreading going out at eleven that morning, the time we had to leave the hotel room. I had no money. I had no one to call. No help. No hustle. On top of that, it was snowing. So we sleep in a tent.

I have slept under bridges, on benches, in the grass at a park. Now I’m in a tent. In the snow, in the grass, next to a bridge instead of under it. 

I don’t feel as if I’ve hit bottom. Actually I’m content. I feel as though I am starting over from scratch: starting a new life, ironically. From the bottom.

I have everything I need for the time being. I have hope. I don’t feel lost this time. I have purpose and I am making progress. We know what we need to do.

My wife and I need government-issued identification to work. We are making fast progress with that. I feel alive. I feel patient with the speed of the progress, with taking the baby steps yet recognizing and reacting to the times when I need to take big boy steps.

This time around, out in and on the streets, I have a sense of motivation. I know that I have a part to do, I have to be proactive. And God will do his part. I am moving forward daily and soon I’ll have what I need:  

I’ll have an ID, which brings a job.

I’ll have a job, which brings a home.

I’ll have a home, which brings whatever a home brings.

We missed all the feedings today so we went without eating until we made our way over to wait for the writing class. First, we found a bag of chocolate cupcakes. Ate it. Along with a ham sandwich still in the ziploc baggie. Ate that. A few minutes later we got sodas and turkey wraps.

I’m even blessed in the small things I need.

When surviving in the streets, there are many constants. One of them is this: Seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you.

It’s not so bad being homeless right now.

I don’t think it will last long.

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